What my children have taught me.

I was responding to a post from my sister, and when it started getting to long I decided to just post it. My sister had commented that she liked how I describe our vivacious Midge. What can I say in so many ways she is the mirror image of myself. I often see her struggling with some of the same issues I strive to overcome. When you have a child who is so similar to your virtues as well as vices you forge a bond, because otherwise you would be denying part of who you are as well. When I became a mother I had no idea how much influence my actions would have on my child. I still remember Midge standing at the end of our street at the age of 18 months. She had one hand on her hip, one finger pointed at me, and was telling me what for. I turned to my friend in exasperation and said where did she learn that from. She laughed and responded, "Ah Kirsten look at yourself". I looked down and sure enough there I was standing with one hand on my hip, a finger in the air, and a breath away from telling Midge what for.

At times you wish your children would simply skip over the challenges you have faced as an individual. It can be disheartening to watch them struggle with things. It can be daunting to realize that your example influences them so much in the early years. Yet I have come to realize that perfection isn't something that is useful to them. They need to see you make mistakes. Sometimes your children seeing you struggle can be more powerful than maintaining an image that everything is perfect. Midge and I can push one another's buttons like no one else, but at the same time we are each other's greatest allies. When Ken will state, "What in the world is she thinking". I can almost always respond with a statement of, "I know exactly what she is thinking." Just the other day I was working with Midge on telling time, something she has been struggling with this year (can't she just use a digital clock for the rest of her life - says the teacher?). Anyway she was giving me all kinds of attitude. I turned to her and looked her straight in the eye and said, "what is really going on here? Why are you acting like this?" Immediately she let down her guard and said, "I worry that other people will find out I don't know how to tell time. There is a girl in my class who usually struggles with everything and she knows how to tell time. If others find out that I can't do this they will make fun of me." When I told her that no one else was here now and we could work on this over the summer so she could go back to school and understand how to tell time she breathed a sigh of relief and had no problem working with me. Where do we learn that we have to be perfect? Who teaches us that making mistakes is something to be avoided? The biggest gift we can often give our children is the ability to fail at times, and then learn to pick ourselves back up and move on.